So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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