so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
