Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
