omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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