So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
