His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
