I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.