that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
