It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.