ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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