dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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