She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...