I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Randomize
