I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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