my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
