So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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