I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I need a beard to bite.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
