Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
