whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
