I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
