Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
