I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
