So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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