I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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