So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize