This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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