I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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