It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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