The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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