Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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