btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
