So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
