drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
