I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
