Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And then he peed in my hair
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