I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
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Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize