I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
