the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
