I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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