Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
