you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
