I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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