sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
