my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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