Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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