Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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