drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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