where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
