I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
