Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
