Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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