he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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