I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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