In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
