K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
