Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
