Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
