her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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