went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
They have beer where we have blood.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
