So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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