you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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