Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
