Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
