There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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