We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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