Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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