When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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