having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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