Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
