can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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