she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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