dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
