if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
