I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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