He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
