I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
