What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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