No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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