I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
