someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
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So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
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Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize