Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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