You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
